The Diary of Will
by Callie Arwad
Summary: Will is a resident of the Wammy's House. But unlike other geniuses, she is not a candidate for the title of L. Rather, she is Watari's trainee. This is her diary. She journals about her days, and a worrisome case: someone broke into her room! She believes it is an old acquaintance of hers, and investigates... Watch as she unveils the secrets of the orphanage and the work of Watari.
1. Introductive note

**Introductive note**

This fanfiction is published under the form of a diary. I'm not going to date the entries just yet, because I'm still figuring out the exact calendar.

The starting season is end of spring / beginning of summer.

The entries will be very short in the beginning, but when the story develops it should get longer.

Please leave me a comment saying what you liked and didn't like in my story, that would really help me get better. This is only the first work I publish on the platform. Feel free to message me if you're not feeling the public review!

Thank you for reading this intro note, and I will leave you to enjoy the story!


	2. Entry 1 - My new home

**My new home: a very special orphanage for equally special children**

I am amongst the last children to have entered the Wammy's house before Roger's arrival.

A child may not be the most fitting word for me, as I was much older than the other kids when I arrived. But according to Watari, I was the perfect trainee for the job. So he took me in, despite me being almost done with high school.

The man was very fond of me I think, because he renamed me « Will ». He was training me to be his successor. Of course he never saw me as L's... Despite what he pretended, he did care about gender. He sort of thought females were inferior to males, like many others. But he didn't seem to notice it himself. So I wasn't made to be L. And I'm grateful for this, because I wouldn't want to be the greatest detective in the world. Intelligence is a curse. I hate the way we were born, I hate the way we are used here. We are nothing but tools to be used, we are backups for L, for Watari, for anyone important. Couldn't they clone L ? They managed to clone a sheep, surely they could clone a human. We're not so different from them in the end. They cloned a horse too. And mice, etc. I bet it is easy for them to clone a human now.

In the end, this situation is OK. We're still safe here. We still get a better education than all the other kids, thanks to how we're born... Watari and Roger don't care what our background is. That's why I stay. Even though the tutors are not as open minded on every level, it's still better than going to a normal school. The ones who still have their parents can still see them often, if both sides want to. It's good for them. So the sexism is only one problem. I can work on that. If I am successful in being Watari's successor, I can change it, because I will be the head of the Wammy's House.

Keep up your efforts, Will. You can do it. You're strong, and no one is going to bring you down. You will succeed. You're better than you think.


	3. Entry 2 - Reminiscing

**Reminiscing**

Watari scolded me today. I didn't make tea and food perfectly. L wasn't pleased, he said. You have to be perfect if you want to replace me, he said. Go back to the kitchen and try harder, he said. But L knows I cannot be as good as Watari... So he told him to be less hard on me, he told him I wouldn't do any better if I followed the exact same path as him, that I had to find my own way. So I went back and cooked some more. I made some cupcakes like I used to make them with my late mother. I ate one, and I was pleased with my work. So pleased that a smile found its way onto my face. Watari was watching me, and he smiled too, I think. I felt the atmosphere soften up in a second. I brought some cupcakes and some fresh strawberries to L's room. I was not allowed to enter it, so I left the tray to Watari.

I never saw L's face, but I hear his voice everyday: a deep voice, but not too low, very masculine. He sounds young and tired. I feel a bit sad when I hear him. He's not happy. I wonder if he even knows what happiness is. Probably not, considering he was raised to be an emotionless genius. Like every one of us is being raised at the Wammy's. They think that since it worked once, it could work with everyone. Don't they remember what happened with A and B? One took his own life, and the other escaped the orphanage and became an insane monomaniac serial killer. Then, C flew away because she was in love with B. She was a dreamer, and an artist: it didn't help Watari think highly of women. Somehow I want to prove him wrong, I want to prove him us girls are as capable as our male counterparts. Some say I'm a feminist. I just think gender shouldn't define human beings, so I fight for my ideas.

I met C once, when we were in the U.S. to look for B. It was quite some time ago, but I remember her very clearly. She had paint and blood all over her skin, some tattoos on her legs, on her neck... She had become a total freak. L knew she knew where B was. But her determination and her acting was so great L started doubting himself. This woman really was something. She often had blood-shot eyes from her sleepless nights, studying so hard at the Wammy's, and her crises weren't fun to deal with: Once, I heard her scream like a mad wolf in the middle of the night because she ran out of white paint and she couldn't finish her painting. When I went to her room, she almost killed me, she beat me up real hard, yelling me to get her white paint. Before fainting I saw her canvas... it was white. Pure white. And her room was full of paint too. And rocks. All the same kind: smoky quartz from the Cairngorm mountains, of different sizes and shapes.

C was absolutely obsessed with B. She travelled the world looking for him before finding him and being whatever he wanted her to be. His toy? His accomplice? His tool? She never revealed anything about B or their relationship, but she surely did anything he wanted her to.

When B was still at the orphanage, she was always with him and A, and when A died, it was just the two of them. "You wouldn't understand." she told me when I asked her why they were always together. From what I know, he wasn't such a scary person when he was around C. Perhaps she provided him actual comfort Perhaps he actually liked and treasured her? I'll never know. I think C was right when she said I wouldn't understand, they truly were unique, so free-spirited, a formatted girl like me couldn't catch a glimpse of their light. Was I jealous of their bond? of their personality? That's very plausible. I never felt special. Never in their way.

C escaped the office where we had brought her. She flew back to B. We've never heard of her since then. I don't miss her, but deep inside, I wish her the best.

Going back to the Wammy's house was a pain for me. I had to see Roger's face everyday, and I had to bear some little kids around me most of the time. I had the chance to meet some nice kid, a bit of a hot-headed boy, M. He was always studying, and didn't really care about what people thought of him. I liked his wild side. Now that I think about it, he reminds me of C. She was really wild too. Why can't I get her out of my head? I don't want to be like her in the end. The last memories I have of her are images of a crazy woman, a criminal, obsessed and scary.


	4. Entry 3 - Intruder

**Intruder**

Today, I went to the park. It was a real nice walk. I took pictures of the plants and the animals. There were pigeons and cats, and other birds, but I didn't know their names. I don't speak with them, because I can't. C speaks with them. She is like Cinderella. Sometimes I wonder what goes through her head, why she chose to become like B, why she wanted to get out of here. Despite the annoying kids, I like this place. It's quiet. It's safe. I'm never scared when I'm at the Wammy's House. Roger is a pain, yes, but only because he cares. He would never want to harm us. When he pushes us too far, when he punishes us... it's always so that we can think back on our actions, try harder, and ultimately we benefit from it. That's why I don't understand. Perhaps she didn't like the pressure. She was very artistic, once. From what I saw last time, she looked more insane and rebellious than artistic, but I guess she still does art too. L told me she draws, and she likes tattoos. I saw a goldfish with a water lily on her forearm. But it was damaged. There were scars on top of it. When I told L he just ignored me. I wonder why. He always answers. Does this tattoo mean something to him? I hate when he does that. He's always so emotionless. So neutral. It's like he's got some indestructible armour and he never puts it down. I don't really like L for this particular reason. I don't like liars. They make me sick... But I have to live with that.

When I went back, my room was messy. Who got in? It's supposed to be locked. Nothing was missing. Was the person a thief or did they just want to mess with me? Why did they go inside my room? I had to ask Wammy and Roger. Or maybe L knew... or it was him. There was a strange smell in there, somewhat familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I was so sure I knew it. A distant memory, but a memory nonetheless.


	5. Entry 4 - Becoming a detective

**Becoming a detective**

I have looked into the intruder situation. I asked Roger, I asked Watari. I couldn't ask L, unfortunately, but if my suspicions are right, he won't answer. Actually, just asking would confirm them, regardless of whether he speaks or stays silent. I have to find a way to ask him.

Roger and Watari were no use. But I can feel there is something they're not telling me. What is it? I can only grow more suspicious. I understand why some of us leave. Being left out isn't the greatest way to start a relationship, especially in business-like environments. I hate to go against my tutor's will, but I just have to uncover this mystery. I could be in danger. And I don't fully trust him to protect me on this one.

In the afternoon, I went out on my daily walk. It always feels good. I took this time to think: How to start investigating? I never was taught how to. It was L's backups work to do that. My job was to serve them and secure their organisation, their safety, etc. I was to be their secretary. In this moment, I was rather grateful to be only a secretary (even with the protection work, it was still much less of a hassle than being a genius detective), but in this moment I needed the abilities of a detective. Can I do it on my own? It'd be best if I could avoid dragging someone into this. I don't like disrespecting my superiors' authority and getting caught would really inconvenience me. And if I drag someone into this mess, I'd risk getting caught more.

But I needed help.

I kept on thinking for dozens of minutes until I looked at my watch: it was nearly time for my training to resume. I can't believe I was almost late for training.

I hurried to my building, to my room, bumped into M. "Sorry!" Kept on hurrying. Got inside my room, put on my work clothes. Then it hit me: M is a troublemaker, but a great detective. And he hates L's secrets as much as me. He could be willing to help. I just have to find a way to make it interesting for him. No one here works for free...

I see no way of succeeding without a good detective, so I resign and accept to ask for help.

Walking to L's quarters as fast as I could, I thought of ways to convince M to participate. M likes mischief. Good hair. Being handsome. Chocolate. Mh... What else? He likes being at the top. Can solving this mystery help him get there? I wonder. I hope he won't sell me out. I need to get closer to him in order to figure that out.

I arrived at L's quarters. Watari scolded me for being late. He asked why, and I only explained I didn't watch the time when I was on my walk. It couldn't happen again. I got stressed out.

I still managed to work properly, and made my technique better thanks to Watari's advice. I make good progress quite fast. I'm good with my hands, and I'm smart.

Today I was more observant than usual. I never paid attention to it, but my mentor looks tired. I understand why he needs someone to replace him as soon as possible. Someone who can be trusted. I will be this person. I want to be this person. Despite all the bad sides of protecting and caring for a capricious man, it has the good side of being around someone smart all the time, and having the power the change things down here, at the Wammy's.

L seemed more upset and more bratty than usual this afternoon. I thought about it after work.

At the end of the afternoon, I got to my room. Where was M's, again? I may have found a way to convince him. I get changed in comfier clothes, and exit my messy room. I didn't touch anything since the crime. I figured it'd help if I investigated, and now I realise it will indeed help, and maybe more than I thought, if I can convince M to work with me.

I couldn't find him tonight.

I'll keep on searching tomorrow.


	6. Entry 5 - Stormy boy

**Stormy boy**

I woke up early. Earlier than usual. I got into my training clothes, and started looking for M. I walked the hallways in the whole building and then finally, I found him, on the roof, exercising. He looked very determined. I watch him, but it seems I've disturbed him. His piercing gaze went right through me, his hair waving around his face as his head turned towards me. He asked what a "grown up" wanted with him.

I explained that I was Will, Watari's trainee, and I needed help to investigate the breaking and entering that occurred two days ago in my bedroom.

"I'm not interested." He said coldly as he returned to his workout.

I approached cautiously, watching my every step, not to hinder my presence. He seemed annoyed that I was insisting.

"It's related directly to L." I remember clearly how his ears twitched when he heard the special letter. He was much more inclined to help now. He asked me the details. I made him promise to keep it secret, as the old men were making this a secret themselves. After he did, I explained the connection to C I suspected, and how she was connected to B herself. M listened attentively as he stretched. He was getting determined to find out what L was hiding.

"I'll be the best L this world will ever know. Let's get this started."

I was smiling at his will. He works hard, surely that shouldn't be a problem. He may be just a teenager, but I can feel his talent. I sort of started wanting him to be the next L. I wouldn't mind serving this one. Even if he's also bratty at times. It seems to be a genius thing. But this boy here seemed more mature than a lot of the others.

I led him to my room. I still had an hour before the start of my training, and luckily he didn't have class, as this was a Sunday. I didn't get many days to rest. The students got one and a half per week.

I explained everything was left the way it was from the breaking and entering. He thanked me for not touching anything, mentioning I was smarter than I looked. I was vexed. I was a genius just like every one of the children at the orphanage. But I guess it's not obvious in my case, from the more… manual training. Anyway. I got over it quickly. I trust my abilities and M is arrogant. His insults mean nothing to me.

M said he's keep me updated on the case. He just needed a spare key to access the room when I was working. What a strange and awkward request. I refused. He said he didn't care, but it was my loss. I think the loss of my privacy to a teenage boy is worse. For now. If the search makes too little progress, I'll go and make a spare key.

Eventually, I had to go start the training. For now, He didn't find anything relevant. Nothing was stolen, nothing was missing. What was the person looking for? Is it a thing that was there before? Is it a thing I often carry with me? What kind of value does it have?

These questions keep running through my head, but I shoo them away. I have work to do and things to learn.


	7. Entry 6 - Blonde

**Blonde**

This morning was the start of the investigation. Tonight, M told me what he found out. The person had long hair. He found a single long, blonde hair. It scared me. I only knew one woman with this hair colour and length who would want anything to do with me. C. But maybe it was a stranger? I didn't know. I was confused and terribly scared that a psycho woman had been in my room. C or not, it had to be a psycho woman. Or man. But I know no man with long blonde hair. Maybe L has long blonde hair? Who knows. I wanted to see what he looked like. If there is a chance that he is the creep, I'm out of here. He's annoying enough on a daily basis.

M smelled me. Then smelled the curtains after making sure I hadn't touched them since the criminal came. It smelled different. I smelled too. I don't usually pay attention to this sort of thing, but it was the same smell that was in the room right after the break in.

M took a ziplock bag out of my drawer, a pair of scissors, and he cut a piece of my beautiful curtains. I stifled a cry. My mom sent me these for Christmas. I got angry. But I knew deep down it was our best shot at preserving the person's smell. He took another ziplock bag, and cut another piece of curtain, for him to keep. I kept my anger to myself. I'm still very mad at him. He better find this crazy person, whoever she or he is, and soon.

He's never seen L either, so he cannot know if it was him. Tomorrow, when I work for L, I will try to identify the smell. I'll know if it's him. I can smell his odor on the napkins, on the sheet, on everything he touches. Finally my privileged position was getting useful.

I smelled my sheet, and other items that had been displaced and messed with. The smell was rather mineral, yet sweet. It also had a very slight floral scent. It was natural, very much unlike perfume. Some musk as well? I am not sure. It smelled strange. Like it belonged to two people.

I think I recognise it from somewhere, but I can't pinpoint it. This feeling has been lingering in my mind ever since I came back to the messed up room.

M put the hair with the piece of curtain. He didn't find anything else. Nothing planted in the room either, I looked around. That's a relief in a way. No one was trying to bomb the Wammy's.

I'm worried, but I need to sleep soon. I've got to be in shape for tomorrow's work.


	8. Entry 7 - Waterlilies

**Waterlilies**

I worked in the bedroom today. I did the laundry and the cleaning. I took this opportunity to take a sniff of L's sheets and his clothes. It had a musky smell. The musk that was in my room. It was worrisome. And for the laundry, Watari showed me which laundry detergent to use. The bottled had a large label saying "new formula" and water lily pictures on it. Flowery smell. A very subtle one. I looked around the room and Watari wasn't there, so I quickly smelled inside the ziplock bag hidden in my pocket. It was the same flower. I memorised the smell of the detergent and the musk of L's sheets and clothed after the were worn. It was too strange. Too easy. But not a single blonde hair in the room. Not a hair to be seen, actually. I found a lash in a pillow case. Black. This didn't help me much. The inside of the pillow case had a very faint mineral smell. So very strange indeed. It's like someone is playing a game with me, and I'm the mouse.

At night, I met up with M near his room. I shared my discovery of the day. He was just as lost as I was. He theorised L went to my room, but then dismissed the theory, as he could see no motive for L to creep inside my room. If he wanted something, he could talk to me during work and training time.

I was so sure it was C. I was so afraid to be right. She had long blonde hair last time I saw her. It could be her. I also sensed she and L had an intimate connection, but it had been shattered. What if she came to assassinate him? If she is here, is B with her? More and more ideas and worries pile up and dance in my brain. I decide to tell Watari the next day. This is too dangerous to be done in their back. But I have to get M out of the way, because he could get a severe punishment for trying to solve such an important situation on his own.

I discussed it with M, who refused to back off. He wanted to solve this, since it seemed to involve L directly. He wanted to prove that he was the best and didn't need the tutors' guidance to succeed.

I insisted for a long time… But he only refused again and again. He let me no choice. I let him know that I will do anything necessary, even if it meant to put him in an embarrassing position - but honestly, I'd rather not. M was very useful to my investigation, so I don't want to bother him.

I returned to my room, and called Watari on the phone. I told him I needed to talk to him right away, but it had to stay between us. I trusted he'd understand.

When he came in, he knew it was still about the break in. The room was still messy. It wasn't like me, and he knew it.

I told him everything. How I involved M too. How I thought C or L did it. How he shouldn't punish M, that I was responsible for dragging him in it. My teacher remained very calm, and he answered kindly. I was on the verge of tears telling him how scared I was that C and B may be back for L or me. But he remained calm. Understanding. He was going to help.

L had a disturbed behaviour according to him these past few days, but L didn't say anything to him directly. And tonight, he was out.

It was fine, he went out sometimes. But at night it was very rare. I couldn't help look for him, since I didn't know what he looked like. But I could start moving to another building. Watari owned a few buildings of flats in town, in case we need to protect L or the children from someone or something. Now was the time.


	9. Entry 8 - Sickening atmosphere

**Sickening atmosphere**

It's been 2 days since L, Watari and I moved to the flat. It's quiet. But I'm still afraid. I'm stuck in my room the whole day because I mustn't see L's face. What a pain. I have other worries at the moment, I don't care about his appearance. He could be the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I wouldn't care at all. Heck, he could be an alien and I wouldn't care. I'm not talking to anyone anyway. There is simply no way his identity is going to be in danger if I know it.

Watari had a look at the hair I found with M. He also believes it was C. Now, we had to find her before she found us. I hope this is possible. She always was very sneaky and cunning. And oh so smart. No wonder she's special to L. I say is, because I'm sure he can't just discard her place in his head or heart. Whichever he uses to bond with people.

I talked to Watari. He still disagreed to let me see L. But L said to let it be. That I could see if I wanted. That he didn't care that I knew now or later. It is true that as Watari's successor, I was bound to work with L directly at one point. So Watari will think about it. I am happy that there's a chance I get out of this tiny room. It's safe but it feels like a prison cell. It is nice but it feels suffocating. Because I have no choice.

Eventually, around 5pm, I could enter the living room. It's hot. My first sight there was the walls. Clean, pastel yellow, they looked old, but clearly well kept. Then the buffet, dark wood, few items. I see my tired face reflecting on the mirror at the back of the closet. I spent all day thinking about C and L. I'm getting obsessed, it's no good. So as I opened my world, I opened my mind. I let my eyes scan the room. More old furniture. A dark red rug, and tiled floor. And then… L and Watari. L is a man, crouched on the sofa like an animal, and the usual elegant Watari is standing next to it with a tray of cakes by his side. I can see empty cups of coffee accumulating on the coffee table. The stench of coffee is filling the room. Gross. I try not to stare at L. So instead, I stare at the food. Strawberry cupcakes, lemon cheesecake and berry coulis, cannelés, different flavours of macaron, clafoutis, scones covered in jam… There are so many different types. And they are all equally sweet. Too sweet. I like cakes, but this is too much. Where are the tea and dry biscuits? I am getting diabetes by just looking at them. Does… does L eat these? Did he drink all this coffee? My nose is burning up from all these smells. Each of them is getting stronger and more intolerable as I approach my mentor and my future boss.

I try to pay it no mind as much as possible, but my stomach turns. I feel sick. My face probably shows it, since Watari took away the empty coffee cups. L chuckled, mumbling "still not used to it", not caring that I didn't understand. When L speaks, it's mostly for himself when he's not talking to Watari. He rarely talks to another person anyway. Maybe he has forgotten what socialisation is. Maybe he never knew it.

I explain the situation to L, Watari elaborating on the various possibilities. L doesn't bat an eye. He just stares down at his cup, playing with the dark, smelly liquid. It ripples left and right, in circles. His jokester behaviour clashes with the seriousness of the talk.

I understand why Watari didn't want me to see L, beyond the needed mystery. But I have to learn to cope with it. Eventually, I'll handle it as well as him.

L makes a plan. It looks risky, but it would work. Using himself as bait sounds so reckless. He could get hurt real bad. Watari refuses. As his assistant and bodyguard, it is normal that he protects me.

L insists. Does he want this girl to come back? What is going through his head?

Watari sends me back to my room, and I can hear L argue. I don't understand the words, as they're muffled by the door, but I understand he is determined and upset from his tone. The heated discussion is quickly over, and Watari calls me to the kitchen to prepare dinner. L already ate enough, so he plays with sugar cubes while my mentor and I eat.

I do the dishes, start the laundry. Waterlily detergent again.

I return to my room to do some thinking. I feel tired. The clock shows 10 in the evening. I'm going to sleep.


End file.
